I haven’t written much lately. For multiple reasons (Thanksgiving, family in town, being sick, etc.), but also because I needed to write a cover letter for a job I’m applying for (see: dream job) and I refused to allow myself to write in my blog when I should have been writing the letter.

I hate cover letters. Resumes aren’t my favorite thing, either, but at least they allow for bullet points and lists. I am so uncomfortable with my writing abilities and I completely lack confidence, so every time I sit down to write, I get anxious and worked up. Then I self-destruct. Pretty much the only thing I can do at that point is find something else to do to take my mind off it.

The problem is that I feel like I have to sound intelligent. If I could just write what I wanted to, this is what my cover letter would look like:

Dear Hiring Manager,

You really need to hire me. I’m kind of a bad-ass. I’ll make everyone in the office laugh on a regular basis by telling ridiculous stories and making an ass of myself, but I also have interesting things to say every once in a while. I know all the lyrics to any song you can name. I like to bring treats to the office to share. I will make it my personal mission to bring the Office Olympics to your workplace. I will also send funny YouTube links to people in the office regularly.

I will work my ass off for your company. I’ll do everything you ask of me and more. I’ll probably even get annoying because I’ll always be asking what I can do to help. Between YouTube videos, of course.

I really want to work for you. Maybe we can work something out…

Call me,


(My friend Alex said that I should also mail in a picture of me looking like a bad-ass as well as a throwing star or two, just for good measure).



Filed under Nine-to-Five

3 responses to “Covered.

  1. talia

    oh god, if only we could just write that… my grad apps would be so f*cking sweet! i’d put in some pictures of me standing next to art, giving a thumbs up. sigh…

  2. Alex

    Cut out the YouTube parts, move the second paragraph in front of the first, throw in an autographed 8″ x 10″ (or print it on the back of one), and I think you’ve got a winner.

    Seriously. Send that out. See what happens.

    Don’t forget the throwing stars.

  3. Jessica

    You forgot to mention how you will incessantly quote obscure movies in the hopes of bonding with others, who also use pop culture references like a second language. I’m going to miss you around the office, lady!

    “Don’t be fooled because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, she’s so much more than that.”

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