I haven’t written much lately. For multiple reasons (Thanksgiving, family in town, being sick, etc.), but also because I needed to write a cover letter for a job I’m applying for (see: dream job) and I refused to allow myself to write in my blog when I should have been writing the letter.
I hate cover letters. Resumes aren’t my favorite thing, either, but at least they allow for bullet points and lists. I am so uncomfortable with my writing abilities and I completely lack confidence, so every time I sit down to write, I get anxious and worked up. Then I self-destruct. Pretty much the only thing I can do at that point is find something else to do to take my mind off it.
The problem is that I feel like I have to sound intelligent. If I could just write what I wanted to, this is what my cover letter would look like:
Dear Hiring Manager,
You really need to hire me. I’m kind of a bad-ass. I’ll make everyone in the office laugh on a regular basis by telling ridiculous stories and making an ass of myself, but I also have interesting things to say every once in a while. I know all the lyrics to any song you can name. I like to bring treats to the office to share. I will make it my personal mission to bring the Office Olympics to your workplace. I will also send funny YouTube links to people in the office regularly.
I will work my ass off for your company. I’ll do everything you ask of me and more. I’ll probably even get annoying because I’ll always be asking what I can do to help. Between YouTube videos, of course.
I really want to work for you. Maybe we can work something out…
(My friend Alex said that I should also mail in a picture of me looking like a bad-ass as well as a throwing star or two, just for good measure).