Time-Space Continuum

WARNING: Emotional Bitchfest on the Horizon.

Has anybody else ever noticed that exes seem to come back right when you DON’T need them? It’s like they know. Like some sort of news flash goes out to everyone you were ever involved with that says, “Meg’s going through a rough patch in her love life right now. You should get in touch with her and add to her list of issues.”

Last week I got an email from the guy I dated while I was in France. This man was WAY too good for me. He was beautiful, had an accent, and wanted to move to the US. He taught me French (the French say that when you learn a foreign language by dating someone who speaks it you learn “through the tongue”) and I taught him English. Thomas (pronounced Toe-Maw) and I had a great time while I was there, but then I came home and he stopped emailing/calling. Oh well. Then, in the three years since then, he has only emailed me when I was going through some sort of emotional turmoil. When I was unhappy with Pete Young? Email from Thomas wanting to know how I’d been. When I felt like I was never going to meet anyone worth dating? Email from Thomas wanting to catch up. Time-Space Continuum issues with Jason? Email from Thomas asking what’s new with me and when am I going to be in Europe next.

Last Tuesday I told Jason I needed to know exactly what was going on. He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship. The bitter and angry part of me wanted to respond with, “Well you should have thought of that before you did the following twenty-seven things…”, but I didn’t want it to get ugly. After all, we’re going to Mexico together in 2 weeks. A few months ago, when he said he needed space and time to figure his shit out (what I like to call “the Time-Space Continuum”), I did my best to give him time without leaving him in a tough place with no one to talk to. Turns out, a person like myself can only be supportive and open and emotionally vulnerable in a world full of ambiguity for a few months before they become a shell of a person and can no longer hold a conversation without turning it to how crazy the boy in her life is. So, I laid down the law. And he can’t handle it. So I’m not speaking to him.

Not forever. I just need some time to get used to the idea of us never being together. Ever. Like, for reals. No possibility. And only after I accept that can I be friends with him and have fun in Mexico. ‘Cause otherwise, like my friend Jess said, I’ll get on the plane to Cancun with this idea in the back of my mind that once we’re there together he’ll realize/remember how amazingly charming I am and tell me he can’t live without me. To paraphrase and to quote Talia, the idea that he’ll somehow magically “Nut up.” Not bloody likely.

So I’ve been doing pretty well. I haven’t talked to him since Tuesday. Not even a text message. I haven’t cried once. And I don’t talk about him or think about him all the time. I’m starting to think I could be okay to talk to him by Christmas.

And then? A Facebook message. “I want to continue giving you the space you requested, but did think a huge CONGRATS was in order! Too awesome. Merry Christmas and drive safely!”

He congratulated me on my new job and remembered I was driving home this weekend. He also magically apologized for breaking my rule while doing it in a way that makes him look good. PLUS I still haven’t responded to Thomas’ email from last week. Now I’m totally fucked.

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5 Comments

Filed under Boys are Dumb, Girls are Crazy, Deep Thoughts

5 responses to “Time-Space Continuum

  1. Girl, I feel you. Here I am in Korea and Alex and I have all this time together, which we both thought would be what we needed, but on the very second night of my 14 day trip we realize we’re on completely different pages and now have this big emotional mess to wade through. Fun times. We can compare tales of man woes when I get back. For now, please recall with regular frequency that you are awesome.

  2. Liesl

    Okay, remember how I read that book that one time and I feel like everyone made fun of me for reading it? I can’t remember if you read it or not, but it was a good one.

    Anyway, the main point that I drew from that book was that men are essentially terrified of women, and what they are most terrified about is hurting women’s feelings. They don’t want us to cry or scream or throw anything, so they never fully tell us the words that are the most true: It’s Never Going to Happen b/c They’re Not That Into Us.

    I called this guy out on it recently when I anticipated that was what kind of situation we were in: it was early, he was coming on really strong, and he flat-out told me he rushes into things. I told him I’d read that book, and so I wasn’t entirely surprised when 3 days later he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship.

    My point is: knowledge of the shit they’re about to pull is helpful, but nothing completely takes away the sting of knowing someone you care about doesn’t fully want you (in that way). But it’d be REALLY great if they didn’t act like Mr. Perfect for those first few days (week or however long) of courtship. Why do they fucking do that?

    I do NOT know what to tell you about the Inopportune Reappearance Conundrum, except that I interpret it as the universe’s way of poking you in the ribs and reminding you to Nut Up. Not all romantic relationships in your life are going to be painful and inopportune. There is going to be at least one great one: the one that makes you want to have a family, the one where he is your best friend, the one where you both want to grow old together. All those guys may have presented as The Man You Want to Grow Old With, but it was an act they put on while they were quantifying the relationship potential. Frenchie, Escape to the Bay, and this most recent Continuum Transfunctioner: are they baby-making and family worthy? Hell no, you deserve waaaay better.

    Don’t waste the pretty, Mego.

    Fuck it, maybe you’ll meet the man of your dreams in Mexico, whilst vacationing with an Ex. Because the universe is a tricky bitch like that. Have a great vacation, you deserve one. I love you.

  3. mego

    Thanks, girls. You’re the best. Also, Sleaz, you have now coined a few more phrases I’m going to start using. “Inopportune Reappearance Conundrum” was pretty awesome. And I LOVE the nick names you gave my boys.

    Having friends like you guys makes it possible for me to get through the madness that is my love life. And Abby, call as soon as you get back to the states. :)

  4. talia

    mego, the ladies seem to be right: do NOT forget that you’re awesome, and do NOT waste the pretty mego. i love you, i miss you, i worry for you, and i don’t understands why some bastards cannot just NUT UP already. screw em all. we’ll get drinks.

  5. This post is one of the most on point things I have read in just about FOREVER.

    So true Mego.

    All you really need are The Plastics, 4 hours and an open bar…that’s a real love life. :)

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