My friend Kara has a friend that she calls “The Anti-Kara,” not because they don’t get along, but because they’re best friends and seem to be exact opposites. The Anti-Kara lives in LA and when Kara’s Portland friends met her, they couldn’t understand how she and Kara had ever struck up a conversation, let alone become friends.
I don’t have an Anti-Mego, but whenever I talk to my friend in New York City, who we’ll call Monique, I’m struck by how different our lives are. First of all, clearly living in New York for the last 7 years has influenced her in different ways than my time in Portland has shaped me. But the thing that never ceases to surprise me is her profession. For over 3 years, Monique has been employed by one of the biggest smut/porn magazines in America. As an editor. Like, for the articles. She has an impressive position for a 24-year-old and she works at a well-known magazine, albeit a dirty one.
Monique has taught me so many interesting and hilarious things that (I’m assuming) she has learned at her job. For instance, she told me that the interns at the magazine are tasked with writing letters to the editor when they don’t receive enough real ones to fill the section. She also taught me the term “box lock”; the female equivalent of a cock block. Yesterday, she told me about the Drambuie Pursuit. Which came up because her publisher signed her up for a team. That’s right, my friend Monique was to be, as she put it, “marched to certain death” on a 100-mile race through the scottish highlands, “rock climbing, mountain biking, running, dune buggy racing, canoe racing, whitewater rafting” and generally busting her ass on a team with a porn model from the magazine and 2 Green Berets.
Even though her work life is clearly very different from mine, we still have our Montana moments. Like when she told me she was going out on a date with a guy that’s a dead ringer for Barack Obama. I asked her if she was going to bring it up, to which she replied, “Yeah. ‘By the way, did you know you look like Obama? Also, you’re the first black guy I’ve dated!'” Or when we talked about how outside Montana, puppy chow is called muddy buddies and fry bread is called elephant ears.
Anyway, unfortunately she won’t be continuing her Navy Seal-like training for the Drambuie Pursuit, because she got a new job working for two magazines that are almost as popular amongst people our age as her current employer (although more people admit to reading these two). She’s going to be so big time now, she probably won’t have time to IM me from work anymore. Plus she won’t say things about jumping out a window if she has to look at one more vagina, or put hilarious quotes from the models on her status message. Sometimes working for a non-profit looks so boring. Maybe I’ll go into the spank writing business.