Remember that book? Alex and Ben and I were talking about our favorite kids books last night at my new favorite brewery (which also happens to be right across from the bowling alley) and Alex said Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day was one of his favorites. Mostly because of the main character’s name. (Ben and I had a lot of way better books on our lists, like Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and Sneeches.)
This is the first sentence of the ATHNGVBD book:
“I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there’s gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.”
If I rewrote this book to be about my day today, it would start something like this:
“I went to bed after a couple of beers and couldn’t get out of bed this morning and when I put on my only clean work outfit my sweater had a huge stain on it and I couldn’t find anything else to wear and I didn’t have time to eat breakfast or get coffee and it was clearly going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.”
The rest of the book would go on to describe how everyone at work kept asking me if I was feeling okay because I didn’t have any makeup on and I looked like I was still asleep, and how I messed up for the first time at my new job, while also discovering that my boss’ boss is a complete and total back-stabbing nutjob. It would expressly note that everything at work decided to go wrong between 4:45 and 5:45 p.m., which forced me to stay late at work and therefore miss my climbing date with Ben, which was the one thing I was looking forward to today. Then when I got home, all I wanted to do was go for a walk by the river, when I realized that both of my walking friends (Casey and Liesl) moved away.
I don’t know what I’d do without Full Sail Top Sail Imperial Porter and Thin Mints.