Little Bens

Yesterday, on our way to a Super Bowl party…

Mego: Who are you rooting for?

Galen: I think I’m going for Green Bay, since they have two former Cal players on their team. You?

M: That makes sense. I don’t really care much about either of these teams, but as a person who has a hard time separating athletes’ personal lives from their professional lives, it’s really hard for me to root for any team involving Ben Roethlisberger.

G: Yeah.

M: In some horrible way, I wish people like him tried to mess with people like me instead of women who might be less likely to kick a guy in the nuts. I mean, if anyone ever tried to follow me into a bathroom, I’d pause for a second, say “Umm…. Excuse me?” and then, if he didn’t leave, elbow him in the face (so he was easier to identify later) and kick him in the junk (so he couldn’t make any more baby Roethlisbergers).

G: [pause.] Mini Roethlisbergers?

M: [thinking…] Sliders.

G: Roethlis-sliders.

[High five.]


M: We are such nerds.



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4 responses to “Little Bens

  1. gem

    I heard that he had bodyguards too. (They guarded the door.) So it was 3 jacked guys you’d have to deal with. I’m sure you could totally still handle it though!

  2. Oh man. I appreciate your faith in my kicking and elbowing abilities! In reality, it’s important to note that I know NOTHING about this girl or her situation. And I have no idea how tough it would have been to deal with that many jerks. Sometimes I just like to imagine me somehow getting the opportunity to kick a slimeball in the junk.

    Additionally, I felt bad even writing that paragraph in this post, since it’s kind of awful and assumes so many things (which obviously can’t all be true), but it seemed necessary in order to get to the punchline. I’m sorry for the offensiveness of this post. I had to tell the joke.

  3. The punchline was worth it! I laughed so hard I may have to steal that one from you. (Don’t worry, I’ll give you credit). I feel the same way about that slimeball. There should be mandatory junk kicking for anyone who tries this stunt.

  4. Dan

    Woah, kindred spirits.

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